Friday, February 28, 2014

The Name Game: Ranking the Top Team Names

     One of my favorite parts of the Barber Beast on the Bay is the team names. Last week we talked about our two rivaling teams, Krauza’s Krazies and Beauties and Beasts for Autism, so it’s only fair that we give some other teams a little love. If I had my own team, I’d call it the Bad Beasts. We would adjust the theme song from Cops – “Bad Beast, bad Beast, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when he comes for you?” – and have it play every time we passed someone. But because I’m a mascot and not a participant, I can only celebrate some of the top names in our field so far. Counting down from 10 to 1 (1 being the favorite):

"My name is MCA, I got a license to kill /
And what's the time? It's time to get ill!"
10. Cheaper than Therapy – This team is absolutely right: The Barber Beast is way cheaper than therapy! If you signed up during the early registration period, it only cost you $50. If you didn’t, it’s still cheaper than one therapy session. Dr. Beast is in, and he’s prescribing a run on the beach filled with obstacles.

9. Beastie Boys – Fight for Your Right to finish the Beast! My hope is that this team lives up to its counterpart in name by spitting rhymes as they run the course.
8. life’s a beach – On the plus side, we can understand the pun here. We’re also running on a beach, which makes the name even better. The downfall to this name is the lack of capitalization. The Beast is a stickler for two things: Trying your hardest and grammar.
The ninja ferret strikes quick.
7. Neon Ninjas – Who wouldn’t want to be a Neon Ninja? If I were a Neon Ninja, I’d be flying in the air in some sweet fluorescent colors.
6. Ninja Ferrets – The reason why the Ninja Ferrets are ahead of the Neon Ninjas is because of detection. Ninjas are supposed to be stealthy. A ninja in neon is easily seen, but a ninja ferret? Those things will sneak right up on you and nibble at your ankles. Ouch!
 5. Team Mark and Jim – You’re not going to believe this, but this team is made up of two members. One is named Mark. The other? Rob. OK, I’m lying, it’s Jim. This team name is genius.
4. Jugs and Thugs – I’m a family-friendly Beast, so I won’t elaborate on jugs or thugs. However, it is funny, creative, and rhymes. Points for all.
3. SANDY B**CHES – I know I said I was a family-friendly beast, but let’s talk about this team name. They probably think they’re being sneaky. “No, no,” they’ll say. “It’s SANDY BEACHES. You’re the one filling in the stars!” And you know what? I am. And I’m not thinking the team name is “SANDY BEACHES” if you know what I mean.
2. Roast Beast – I’m on the fence about this one. On one hand, I like the creativeness. I like the play on words here in switching “Roast Beef” into “Roast Beast.” On the other hand, I’m scared. If Roast Beast were a deli meat, it would have to be made of me, right? I think, then, it’s safe to assume this team is planning on eating me, which is totally not cool.
1. Fire Breathing Rubber Ducks – This is scary. Imagine me, the Beast, swimming and trying to enjoy a dip in Presque Isle. Then, a rubber duck approaches. Harmless, right? Wrong! I approach and suddenly I’m engulfed by flames. Fire Breathing Rubber Ducks. They’ll get you. 
They're taking over Presque Isle.

Next week we'll get serious with a special guest and some training tips for you. See you then!

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